the sly wink (the_sly_wink) wrote in mgs_fic,
the sly wink

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Short Crap of the Ages.

Title: Cold Metal, Hot Lovin'
Author: the_sly_wink
Pairing: RAY/REX
Summary: People have been slashing the Metal Gear characters forever. Don't you think it's time someone slashed the Metal Gears?
Author Notes: Long, long ago...years ago...I wrote some fanfiction. It's of questionable quality and short length, but perhaps some of you may be able to reap amusement from this travesty. I'm purging the wound, so to speak.

Now I welcome those without fear to reap the rewards of my first and probably last fanfic: "Cold Metal, Hot Lovin'" A Metal Gear Solid slash fic. But probably not the way you think.

(it seems pasting it to livejournal has automatically deleted all my emphasized italics. Damn. Maybe one day I will care enough to go and put them back.)

Cold Metal, Hot Lovin’
A disturbing tale of forbidden love, in which we may or may not learn the answers to THESE Harrowing Questions:
CAN two Metal Gears find love in a world that wants them apart?
WILL Metal Gear RAY help Metal Gear REX overcome its inhibitions?
WHY did I do this?


A nondescript tanker cruised through dark, anonymous waters. Everything about the ship was dull: the drab color, the lack of insignias, even the crew was sparse and dead-silent. It rode low in the water—as if carrying a heavy cargo—so that the craft was almost completely hidden in the cold night mist. The sluggish behemoth was hardly worth a glance, much less a second glance. In fact, the tanker was SO unremarkable it could only be carrying ultra-secret military developments.

Hidden deep beneath the hull, two of the most dangerous weapon systems ever created were being transported to their new hangar. Like hellish beasts from a prehistoric nightmare, the bipedal Metal Gears lurked in the dark interior, bristling with arsenal. Metal Gear REX and RAY were not only armed with machine guns, anti-tank missiles, lasers, and an array of other deadly artillery, but fully-operational nuclear warheads. That was the deadly genius of these machines; by firing nuclear missiles from virtually any environment without burning fuel, they could dodge international treaties. Their nuclear attacks would be invisible to every detection system in existence, and thus their masters would never be held responsible. Not only were the Metal Gears terrifying in their offensive capabilities, but armor of ceramic-titanium alloy made them impervious even to SAM missiles. Metal Gear REX and RAY were untraceable, infallible, and unstoppable. All these things their creators had counted on: the perfection, the power…but they had never anticipated….the passion.

~The Cargo Hold~

Metal Gear REX ventured a sidelong glance at Metal Gear RAY. It had admired the newer model at first sight. REX was infatuated by the sleek design and agility of the amphibious RAY; though it was taller and larger, it was by far the lithest of the Metal Gears. REX had been longing to approach RAY, but couldn’t muster up the courage. After all, why would such a graceful, powerful, beautiful Metal Gear want to have anything to do with an out-classed model like REX? REX sat in awkward silence; RAY was just…too good.

RAY furtively watched Metal Gear REX. The smaller Gear had been glancing at it all night. Could it be that REX was angry about something? Jealous? RAY hoped not; it knew it was a newer model, but tried not to seem superior. In fact, RAY had a secret admiration for the other Metal Gear; though RAY was amphibious, it couldn’t quite compete with REX on land. Besides, the older model was more experienced, and its strong lines were…attractive? Yes, it was true; REX was a rather striking Gear, spellbinding, even. Perhaps…perhaps REX wasn’t sulking… perhaps it was just being shy. Perhaps it fancied RAY. RAY shook its reptilian head; now it was jumping to conclusions. Just because RAY was attracted to the other Metal Gear didn’t mean REX felt the same way. Just as RAY was abandoning any fleeting hopes of tenderness, it noticed REX warily approaching.

“Ah…hello,” murmured Metal Gear REX. RAY was too surprised to say anything, stunned by the older Gear’s advance. Alas, the insecure REX took its silence as rejection and shamefully backed away, hurt.

“WAIT!” cried RAY. “I…I didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just…you caught me by surprise,” it stammered, “I really wanted to say something, but I’ve been too nervous.”

“You were nervous?! I’m the one who’s been afraid to speak the whole time! You…you’re just so perfect,” REX gasped, his words tumbling out, “I know you far surpass me, but I realized that once we dock…I might never see you again. And I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you without telling you how I truly feel.”

“You…like me?” RAY was stunned.

“I love you, RAY!” Metal Gear REX’s sensors glowed with emotion and sincerity. “I tried to deny it, but the more I watched you, the more I came to realize how deep my feelings really are! I can’t help but love the way your nanopaste valves repair damage, your pressurized water attacks, your shiny rocket pod, and your silky, luminous shell! I am obsolete compared to such majesty!”

“REX…I never knew. This whole time I’ve been secretly adoring you as well! I deeply respect you, and would never surpass the elegance of your rail gun launch-system! If only we hadn’t been so foolish as to hide our yearning…I’ve never felt this way before…my advanced macromolecular fiber engine system is throbbing in ways I hadn’t thought possible!”

Just as the Metal Gears moved to embrace one another, a voice shattered their pink-sparkly-Oprah moment. “Hey! HEY! What’s going on?! The Metal Gears! Someone’s commandeering the Metal Gears!” A very distressed looking Marine was running towards them. He halted, wide-eyed, at a safe distance. “They’re moving by themselves! Somebody help me shut them down; this is sabotage!” REX and RAY were caught completely off-guard, and the Marine took advantage of their hesitation to scrabble into RAY’s cockpit. By the time the Gears realized what the Marine was trying to do, another soldier had taken control of REX’s cockpit canopy as well, but the infatuated war machines were too overcome to pay any heed to the trivial actions of men.

“Oh RAY,” sighed REX, “how I long to hold you in my anti-tank missile launchers! Yet….,” it looked sadly at the frantic, confused soldiers, “You are of Marine design, and I am a rival Army super-weapon; how can we ever have a relationship when there is such opposition between us?”

“It is not we who are divided, lovely REX, but our soft man-cores.” RAY promptly sealed the offending person in the cockpit. “Let us abandon their hateful control, and unite in love!” REX, following RAY’s decisive example, also shut down its own cockpit. The soldiers groped and fumbled ineffectually, desperately trying to command the passionate nuclear units.

“I feel so…free!” purred Metal Gear REX, affectionately caressing RAY’s hydro cutter plating. “Free to obey my own desires, free to incinerate what I want, and free…free to make sweet, sweet robot love.” The amphibious Gear silently agreed, moving down to stroke REX’s electron laser….

~Half an Hour Later~
(What? That’s as detailed as I care to get. I’m keeping this a lime, LIME I SAY!)
AHEM, as I was saying…. Half an Hour Later….

The hanger was filled with the rhythmic shrieks of metal-on-metal; nearly, but not quite, drowning out the more erratic human shrieks of “Oh my God! No! NO! OH GOOOOODDD!!!!” echoing softly into the night…

TO BE CONTINUED……………………………………..?


PS. You may notice the profusion of ellipses, but that’s only because their luuurve makes them hesitant with EMOTION. Sorry. For everything.

( REX n RAY 2gether 4ever <3 )

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